Saturday, June 28, 2008

Four Months- 3 years June 26


Martha writes:

Yesterday it was four months since Renee's passing - promotion to glory - I don't know what word to use - eight months since we went to Vancouver - October 25 was the day that Renee got the word that she had relapsed -three years since she was first diagnosed with leukemia. Somehow by the grace of God we have made it though another day, another month.

One of our coping strategies is to... read more at...


It is hard to know what to say to you. Your life goes on, while ours is in limbo. We go through the motions, but everything seems so futile. So many things have gone wrong. The things I need to do don't get done, and I waste all kinds of time doing things I don't need to do. Like checking my empty email box 20 times a day. Like calling people who don't return my calls. Like forgetting to call the people that I should call.

But then you don't want to listen to my whining. So is there anything good to say?

Several writers have expressed interest in writing Renee's story. A TV producer wants to make a documentary and a movie of Renee's life. Is that a good idea? We'd love to have Renee's friends write about different segments of Renee's life. She was a multi-faceted diamond and it would be wonderful to include chapters from every facet of Renee's life. Please respond to us if you are interested in contributing a chapter or two.

We have friends that come to comfort us, hug us and show us they care in so many ways. We have a wonderful church family and a caring pastor. We have a God who loves us so much that He sent his only Son to take our pain and sin on himself and suffer and die for us. What a demonstration of LOVE! We listen to messages downloaded from and we read emails from

Don and Joyce and the wonderful team in Morris are a bright light in my darkness. Thanks for your commitment to make the best of a difficult situation. Our trip to Regina Farm Show last week was a good diversion for a few days. To visit with Florence, Renee's friend and mentor Rhonda, and James and Roxanne were highlights of the trip. We missed the Joy Smith Gala Dinner featuring Troy Westwood and honouring Cindy Klassen and Jennifer Jones.

We plan to attend a SCIDS conference in the US at the end of July. Thought we might fly to Toronto and drive down from there, back up to Quebec and then to Ottawa and before returning home.

We are meeting for lunch with Twylla and Arden. They have lost 2 babies. Now they have a healthy 1-year-old boy.

Many people who have gone through the loss of child, have told us that for them it took from 3 - 7 years before life gets back to the new "normal". In the meantime, the brain does not function well, memory is poor, and nothing matters anymore, hence there is little reason to get up in the morning. When friends ask to meet for breakfast, that?s helpful. But that doesn't fix the swimming pool, the pool table, assemble the pictures, send thankyou cards, get the new sign ordered, get my home office organized, the new van shopped for, the new R&D shop acquired, the new office equipped, the BEST system running, the CAD operator hired, the cell phones fixed, the new house designed, the cottage fixed. What's the point? The PAIN of searing loss goes on and on and on and.........


Please donate in Renee's memory to We'll send you a DVD

Monday, June 16, 2008

I cried on Father's Day

Men are not supposed to cry - that's not manly! I wore this shirt Renee gave me for my birthday 2006. I had not been able to wear it since she died. I miss her so! Maybe I can wear this once a year.

Father's Day was quiet at our house - for lunch Kara, Martha, and I to The Forks Beach - sat at home all afternoon - tried to buy Corner Gas season 4, but everyone was closed or didn't cary it. Rented Mr Bean for a few feeble laughs.

Today picked up 3 check blanks at SCU. I accomplished that ONE thing. Now want to help Martha with deck staining.

Click here for more pictures

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Time for an update

Well - some of the web files were finally downloaded but the site still looks awful. I tried to get in to do some repairs but the ftp doesn't seem to work. My desktop does not get the innovaat emails addressed to me, only everything else. So I need to run the laptop to get the innovaat emails. Kara likes to run a laptop and a desktop, Martha likes her laptop, and Alayna needs the desktop, and Justin would like his desktop. That means we need 7 ports on the router. We have 4. Bought a new wireless router, tried to install it, but it wouldn't work. Not enough energy to try to find a geek to come in to get it working. So we have to swap cables on the back of the router. Very inconvenient.
This week - Monday started with a breakfast meeting with the realtor for the new development I'm trying to sell in Teulon, a meeting with the plc supplier, and a trip to Morris to see how the new shift schedule is working. They are on track to do 3 bins a day on Monday! WOW! With practice they should get to 5. On the way back, stopped at various places looking for an R&D property to buy. Some good possibilities. Had a friend along for the ride. Got a call and email from one of my former partners. That opened the wounds again - could not sleep well. Listen to messages from to fall asleep again. Same message 4 times during the night.
Today - thought I might get some things done at home. Prepared 20 Memorial DVD's and had Alayna mail some of them. Got a call from a friend to meet for lunch. It was, in his words, a "God Moment" of sharing my frustrations, pain, and regrets of the past 8 months. Need to get some more grief counselling to deal with all the pain. Greg sent me 2 links - center - bereavement. In the afternoon I finished cleaning the motorhome and then went to meet a lawyer to talk about the development agreement for Royal Teulon. Evening birthday party meal for Jessie's birthday. Martha went to Christian Women's Club after that. Kara is watching endless shows online. She has a part time job at CanadInns Polo Park.
Tomorrow - breakfast with the LifeLight guys, auction in Grunthal where the balance of the cows will be sold. Stop in Steinbach? Shop for shop?
Thursday - golfing with EMC in Steinbach - home for supper - likely too tired for anything
Friday - open for breakfast - meeting with video producer for lunch to talk about making a movie of Renee's life and vision. Friday night car auction preview E St Paul Community Center
Saturday - Paul and Mildred's retirement auction
We've been trying to find a Christian writer to write Renee's story and we are currently in contact with 2 possible writers. How do you pick one?
Thanks for your prayers.