Sunday, November 09, 2008

Devastating Loss - Get over it already!?

Dear Friends and Family:
Would you would like to know how we feel? Nine months ago we suffered two devastating losses. We are grieving the loss of Renee, and it will take years to recover from that loss. We also experienced devastating pain when our business partners decided to vote us out of our partnership at a time when we were most in need of support. The pain of rejection and betrayal is almost unbearable. That pain continues to be exacerbated by them. Compounded grief compounds the pain. Excruciating pain paralyzes the mind.
We cry from time to time. We don't apologize for our tears since they are not a sign of weakness or a lack of faith. They are God's gift to help us express the extent of our loss, and they are part of our recovery.
At times you may see me as angry for no apparent reason. Sometimes I'm not sure why. All I know is that my emotions are intense because of my grief. If I don't make sense to you, please be forgiving and patient with me. If I repeat myself again and again, please accept this as normal.
More than anything else we need your understanding and patient presence. You don't have to know what to say, or even say anything if you don't know how to respond. Your presence and a touch or hug lets us know you care. Please don't wait for us to call you since we are sometimes too tired or tearful to do so.
If we tend to withdraw from you, please don't let us do that. We need you to reach out to us for months to come. But please understand when we don't want to be part of events that cause us to relive the pain. We may need space to grieve and heal for some time.
Pray for us that we would see the meaning of our losses some day and that we would know God's comfort and love. It does help to let us know you are praying for us.
If you have experienced a similar loss, please feel free to share it with us. It will help rather than cause us to feel worse. And don't stop sharing yourself if we cry. It's all right, and any tears you express as we talk are all right too.
These losses are so painful, and right now they feel like the worst thing that could ever happen to us. But I hope we will eventually recover. We cling to that hope, even though we don't always feel like it. I know we will not always feel like we do now. Laughter and joy will emerge again someday.
Thank you for caring about us. Thank you for listening and praying. Your concern comforts us and is a gift for which we will always be thankful.


  1. Anonymous12:00 AM

    We read your blog almost daily and feel the pain in the words you write.
    Very dear friends of ours lost their daughter in a tragic accident this summer and we could only stand by and pray, cry, or just be there. It all seems so insignificant and useless, and yet, it is a healer when given over and over and over.
    We are praying for you as well and take time to think of you every day when we check the latest entry in your blog. The pain you are feeling is something we can't grasp but God your Heavenly Father does.
    Bryan Dueck

  2. Anonymous2:44 PM

    May you find comfort in knowing that Jesus is holding you in His arms promising never to leave you or forsake you. You will see Renee again someday! Praying for you.

  3. Anonymous10:04 PM

    We can NOT believe what your business partners did to you, and to do it when you were going through a most painful time is heartless, no words to describe how despicable it was. Justice will be served one day, God will know what to do with them!!!

    Keep looking to Jesus who will help you carry the heavy load as you mourn your beautiful daughter.

  4. Thank you so much for your prayers and support. This week has been VERY hard for us.

  5. Anonymous2:27 PM

    I read the blog regularily, I appreciate the insights, I'm dreadfully sorry for your loss (I can't begin to understand how agonizing it must be) but I just cringe when I read about the 'evil business partners'. Everyone and I mean everyone knows there are 2 sides to every story. To portray not only family but fellow Christian men in such an awful one-sided light, well it makes us all look bad.

  6. Jupiter transplaces into the next 30 degrees area in the solar system tonight. This golden planet will start shine on your side from tomorrow. It will start gradually pour the energy on you to regain the lost things except Renee. The relatives who ignored would start incline towards you and your family in few months.

    Praying for your family.