It started Monday morning in a meeting with my former partners and ended Thursday with an all day ''document discovery" in front of the arbitration judge. Monday was full of --descriptions deleted---. Thursday revealed lies and deceit. All in all, I wasted a week with unnecessary, unneeded, and unwanted emotional trauma.
Job said what I feel: my spirit is broken... the grave waits me... my eyes have grown dim with grief... my plans are shattered and so are the desires of my heart... how I long for times gone by when God watched over me when his friendship blessed my house... Renee was with me... God used my partners to throw me into the mud... I am reduced to dust and ashes... I cry out to God but he does not answer me. My heart is mourning and my pain is never ending. I exist in waves of overwhelming and unrelenting pain.
Why did I not perish at birth or die when I came from the womb? I have no peace no quietness I have no rest... Only turmoil. Oh that I might have my request... That God would crush me... Cut me off... This unrelenting pain could go away... Where is God? If I go to the east he is not there... west, I can't find him, north I do see him, south I catch no glimpse of him..
A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
My experience in doing business with Vidir Machine over the many years has been very postive. I am struggling to understand your comments.
ReplyDeleteThe devastating loss of your daughter has severely impacted you, perhaps even affected your ability to comprehend situations objectively and compromised your judgement. The attacks on your business partners are way off base. The years of emotional distress you caused them, the employees and the customers are impossible to quantify and were only possible due to your egotistical, narcissitic behaviour. Your continued attacks are careless, although certainly in character.
ReplyDelete(Narcissism is a psychological condition which is simply defined as a total obsession with self. This condition is characterized by a lack of empathy for others, sadistic or destructive tendencies towards other people and a compulsion to satisfy personal needs without regard for others.
The narcissist can be hard to recognize because these individuals spend a lot of time creating a facade in order to protect their ego.)
It is unfortunate that people have to witness your behaviour alongside the facade of Christianity and the good book. You are sending a contradictory message that the board of Lifelight ministries should seriously look at before it compromises their ministry.
It is time to stop the rape and pillage and with God's help, take a close look at yourself.
Have no idea on how you feel or what you are going through. The last person I want to be is one like Job's friends. They were doing just fine till they opened their mouths to speak. Would have been better if they had remained silent till God told them what to say and when.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that I found it interesting that you drew on Job's story in your blog. The last few weeks I've been sitting in the ashes and also scraping my wounds and covering myself with ash not knowing what to do next. Thinking coherently (or at all) is hard, memory is gone, don't want to be around people. Will to live is gone.
Sunday I happened to tune in to Charles Price, www.livingtruth.ca, and he was talking about Job and responding to pain and futility in life.
Monday I met with our pastor of hope and support. We talked about me, Job, the fact that right now life is the shits. He was, true to his word, not a friend like Job had. He listened. Asked a few questions occasionally for clarification. At the end of my 1 hour bitching session he quietly said "it's a good idea for you to sit in the ashes and scrape at your wounds and sores for a while. Just don't sin. "In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing." Job 1:22.
My friend, there is room for both of us on the ash pile. I'll keep my mouth shut.
I know I'm the worst person in the world. I suspect that the Anonymous (narcissistic) individual above contributed a great deal to the breakup of the partnership. I pray every day that God would plant in me the seed of forgiveness.
ReplyDeleteHello, the previous Ananymous,
ReplyDeleteI dont know what caused/forced this breakup of this partnership. Do you percieve if there will be a possibility for reunion among these former partners in future?
"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you."
ReplyDeleteDays when you cannot walk in your own strength, walk in the strength of God.
Response to 1:37 pm
ReplyDeleteMy previous comment was callous and ungracious and I am sorry. They were poor words to express my thoughts. "Restore in me a clean heart O God and renew a right Spirit within me."
I am encouraged by people's unconditional love. It is awkward and difficult to challenge each other. However, some of Ray's beliefs, sentiments and actions need to be challenged. It is good that some have taken the risk to write comments to do this.
Let the dust get settled.
ReplyDeleteLet everybody's heart gets purified.
The Sun knows where and when to shine.
Let us mind our own business.
Let the dust get settled.
ReplyDeleteLet everybody's heart gets purified.
Amen.
The Sun knows where and when to shine.
Yes, but we are so adept at creating clouds to obscure the light of the Son.
Let us mind our own business.
Is our brother not a most important part of our own business? It gets tricky because we tend to notice that others need to grow in ways that make us more comfortable, but genuine love cannot allow me to see only to myself.
However, there are limits to what we can do for others. If I do not deliberately choose to include some people who challenge me in my circle of closest friends I severely limit my opportunities for growth. If those who disagree with me are always wrong and rather consistently characterized as the opposition them my life quickly becomes very small and must almost inevitably implode.
God help us all choose truth over easy. (Truth over easy? Sounds like a breakfast order. That's not what I meant. Truth seldom goes over easy, but it is the better choice in the short term as well as over the long haul. I meant choose truth over what appears to be the easy way, because what appears to be easy up front often becomes a debilitating morass of confusion.)
Keep you head UP! Justice will be served in the end.
ReplyDelete