They took away my Executive Assistant, fired my bookkeeper/accountant, took away my R&D team, my marketing team, cramed all my files into a few boxes and kicked me out of my office, took away my patents, erased my name from the website, took 1/2 the business from Morris, deleted my links from the web, promised to send me the links, still waiting, I get nothing done.
They tied up my time when I should have been paying close attention to Renee, so I didn't, and so she died. I miss her so. I closed her bank accounts. Gave away her car, her clothes, her boots, her computer, her camera, her ... OH THE PAIN
I feel like I've been hit with a baseball bat, my brains are splattered, my arms and legs ripped off with a hack saw, my guts, mushed.
I am making copies of the DVD Karalee edited. But who even wants one? Not many requests. Will anyone watch them?
I get nothing useful done. I had a meeting with the leadership team in Morris. We need to shift team members from BMS to bins. We need to retrain. It will take a while to get everything up and running again.
I need to make decisions about cows. Had 240 last spring. Now 100? They died. The vet was never called. Hay quality was never checked. I was never called till the Animal Health officer called to yell at me. The cows starved to death. On all the hay they could eat. Bad hay I assume. The hay supplier says it was good. Wants to get paid a premium price. The trucker charged an arm and a leg to haul it. Can't decide how much to pay either one. I need to move the cows. Sell them. Keep them till fall. Don't know which or where. My decision maker has been blasted to smithereens.
Can't remember a thing from one minute to the next. Forgot the guy that wanted to see the motorhome. Forgot to email people. Forgot to meet for breakfast. Forget to return calls.
My computer from the office is dead. No one will help me with that. From legions of people at my beck and call - now people don't even return phone calls. Shit.
My emails inbox blew up. I lost a bunch of emails. They are on the laptop. But it's a mess to import all those to this computer. My former computer tech is not allowed to talk to me.
I'm not supposed to complain 'cause that would make my former partners look bad. I'm supposed to change the company logo. Takes useless time. I need to find a new shop to do R&D, hire people to work in it, find people to go to the marketplace to find out what needs to be invented.
Monday I tried to find some eggs for breakfast. Even the 24 hr Wal-Mart was closed! Finally found some expensive eggs at 7-11. I never go there. Met a friend there who happened to be visiting his daughter in Winnipeg. He had come to Wpg for the weekend and bought a paper at 7-11. We got to talking. He said he'd pray for us. He has a brother who lost his son in a snorkling accident years ago. Took the father 3 years to get life back to almost normal. No wonder we still feel like pulp! 3 months after.
So nice to have friends come over to visit. What a comfort friends are. Sunday night, Renee's friend, Lynn came over. Wow! How nice to be able to spend time with her. To feel close to Renee through her. Next week Krista and Monique are coming. We sure look forward to that. Today Janice came for supper. Fellowship. Sharing, renewing.
Next week we have several other friends who have indicated that they would like to come visit. Sure look forward to that. Sitting at home feeling miserable is no fun. We need the distractions wherever we can get them.
I doubt anyone will read this far, but if you have, you are a friend indeed, and we'd like to cook a meal for you. Please come ASAP. Thanks.
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Dear Ray,
ReplyDeleteWe pray for you and your family daily. May you sense the Good Shepherd gently walking with you through this difficult journey.
Love you,
Mary
WOW!!! I feel really bad that all this has happened to you. I will pray that your life can get back to normal (as much as possible) VERY soon. Just so you know...I always read right to the end of you're blog even when things seem to be at their worst!
ReplyDeleteTake Care!
Chrystal
I wanted you to know Stan & I read your blog and feel so bad for you. Life has dealt you some very difficult blows and to not become become bitter will be extremly hard I'm sure. We are praying that this will not be so and that you will draw closer to your Lord during this time.
ReplyDeleteThank you for praying - I'm sure some day the sun will shine again - but not now.
ReplyDeleteJob begged for God to kill him at one point - what is the point of going through this agony. In the end Job said "God is enough for me" or something to that effect.
Ray
Though it's only a small help, if you're looking for a new computer tech I can recommend an excellent one in your area. There is a computer store in your area called East St. Paul Computers, in Birds Hill. Ask for Pasith and tell him I sent you, he'll look after you.
ReplyDeleteI'll be praying for you Ray.
Jay
I too have experienced great pain, a series of blows that individually may have brought some to self-destructive behavior. I have not experienced your losses, nor you mine. We cannot compare our losses, though we might be tempted. When people compare losses, they tend to feel they have lost more than others because the pain is so intense within them. But, it's impossible to objective. If I lose something huge but have tremendous support and love around me, have I in all experienced more loss than someone whose identified loss seems a bit less but who has no one to support them emotionally or otherwise, no hugs or comfort or safety zone? All I know is that this life is but a preparation for the rest of eternity.
ReplyDeleteJoy seems to come and go and yet it is there if we acknowledge our Maker. It is there, and we can go on because of it. But, sometimes we have to lay down and accept that we are but individual human beings. Sometimes we need rest. Sometimes we need to accept our limitations and our losses and buy a flower to put on our table and meditate on it, to blow the spent dandelion and revel in the flight of all the seeds and be thankful for dandelions that persist in gracing our yards. Even the ants that come into my bathroom give me hope as they persist despite the demise of those before them. They work together. They have hope, or seem to. And, I am not alone if even for the ants that come into my bathroom when friends leave me alone to mourn my losses.
There are those who will be your supporters, and God bless them. There are those who will be your enemies, and God bless them still, but I pray today that they will be inhibited for the sake of rest, peace, recovery and the hope of being of service to this world after recovery is achieved and acknowledged.
There is always hope to be had in this world and any feeling that there is not is but deception. We may have to accept loss, but we never have to give up hope.