I am profoundly sad.
We had as good a Christmas as possible. Martha and Karalee did a wonderful job of Christmas dinner. I helped prepare our traditional blintz breakfast. Alayna and Corey came for that. We started this tradition sometime after we got introduced to blintzes while in New York for Renee's initial transplant.
Our coffee maker broke down and so we make coffee in the bodum, Renee's favourite coffee maker. Every time I pour a coffee I think of Renee, and I regret that I was not there for her on the Thursday before she died. Had I been there for her that day, she might still be with us.
Renee ordered 2 Christmas videos for us, but for some reason, we watched "White Christmas" instead. Kind of a waste of time.
I have been going though some of Renee's fabulous pictures. I'm thinking I should post the best ones to her facebook. I so miss her exhuberance and infectious laugh. You can hear that laugh on her YouTube.
To go to sleep, I watch an episode of "Home Improvement" or "Corner Gas" or "Different Strokes". You get the idea. Something to get my mind off the paralyzing pain. When I wake up during the night, I push the play button on the CD player and listen to a message from Redeemer.
We gave our kids Shopping Spree certificates so we can go shopping with them after Christmas.
Sunday is the big day when Martha's family is gathering at our house for Christmas. We have been wonderfully distracted with the preparations, finally getting around to cleaning up most of the downstairs.
I suppose I should write a Christmas email, but everything feels so useless. After all, it's not like I have anything uplifting to say.
I will post more pictures here.
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I too am grieving this Christmas. One thing I'm sure of though is that nobody at the bedside could keep her a minute longer than God had ordained for her. Please do not transfer that power to yourself or you will never be able to go on with the business of life without your beloved daughter. For some reason, God ordained that day to be her last day. We don't need to understand. We just need to keep hold of His hand. Blessings to you and your family as you make your way through this season without your daughter.
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