One year ago today Renée wanted her mom to make cabbage soup. Mom was donating her bone marrow and so could not make the soup. Well, she made the soup today. Alayna, Kara, Martha, and I will enjoy it even if it is mixed with tears.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
One year ago today Renée wanted mom to make cabbage soup
One year ago today Renée wanted her mom to make cabbage soup. Mom was donating her bone marrow and so could not make the soup. Well, she made the soup today. Alayna, Kara, Martha, and I will enjoy it even if it is mixed with tears.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
The Cure for cancer
Everyone carries cancer cells in their bodies all the time. Most of the time the immune system recognizes the cells and eats them before you know anything happened. Once in a while, some cells manage to disguise themselves as "normal" when all they want is to reproduce themselves and take over.
The wisdom of the world says, zap them with chemicals that destroy fast growing cells and you will get rid of the problem cells. Sometimes that works. Hair fall out and bad cells get beat up. So do good cells. Lots of good immune cells get destroyed in that process. Immune response goes down, other bugs get in, and you are done for.
Turn this wisdom upside down. Boost the immune system. Then take some cancerous cells out of the body. Irradiate them or treat them somehow so that they get killed similar to immunizations. Inject them back into the host, and presto! the immune system sees those as bad cells and kills all the live cells of the same variety!
When I was a child, a man who had cancer went into an operation to remove the tumours. When they opened him up, they found so much cancer that they decided there was no hope. They threw some iodine on the cancerous tumour and sewed him up, thinking he had only a short while left. Lo and behold, he got better!
It appears that the iodine marked the bad cells so the immune system could take over to kill all similar cells.
When will this treatment become common knowledge? Or am I ---?
The wisdom of the world says, zap them with chemicals that destroy fast growing cells and you will get rid of the problem cells. Sometimes that works. Hair fall out and bad cells get beat up. So do good cells. Lots of good immune cells get destroyed in that process. Immune response goes down, other bugs get in, and you are done for.
Turn this wisdom upside down. Boost the immune system. Then take some cancerous cells out of the body. Irradiate them or treat them somehow so that they get killed similar to immunizations. Inject them back into the host, and presto! the immune system sees those as bad cells and kills all the live cells of the same variety!
When I was a child, a man who had cancer went into an operation to remove the tumours. When they opened him up, they found so much cancer that they decided there was no hope. They threw some iodine on the cancerous tumour and sewed him up, thinking he had only a short while left. Lo and behold, he got better!
It appears that the iodine marked the bad cells so the immune system could take over to kill all similar cells.
When will this treatment become common knowledge? Or am I ---?
Monday, February 23, 2009
Feb 26 one year ago
How our hearts ache - Renee - we miss you so much!This has been a horrible year for us. It started with my business partners kicking me out of the partnership (votes 2 against 1) and then suddenly Renee got sick and died.
What that does to the human spirit, body, soul, and mind, can?t be explained to someone who has not experienced it.
The brain goes into shock mode and self-confidence is down the drain. Decision making is almost impossible. We exist from day to day. When someone asks: "How are you?" my answer is usually: "Surviving."
What were we doing last week? Relaxing on the New Smyrna beach in Florida.
What are we doing this week? Kara is home from Halifax, and we will concentrate on family time as much as possible. Open house from Thursday to Sunday. Drop in any time between 3 pm to 9 pm to sit with us, sing for us, - whatever. Call us to confirm we are home.
On Thursday we plan to have a Thai supper and watch Renee's favourite movies including "Alice in Wonderland" at 8pm. Come join us for that if you can.
I do not plan to show up at my office until March 3 http://www.innovaat.com/
To read our journeys click on
http://www.reneedueck.com/
http://www.marthadueck.com/
http://www.raymonddueck.com/
Between us there are 600+ posts there is a lot of reading if you want to read it all!
Ray
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Edgewater Alliance
Draw me Close - Kelly Carpenter
You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
Help me to know you are near
You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
Help me to know you are near
Faith and Argument rschafer@edgewateralliance.org
4 questions
Students thought of how they could invent an excuse why they where not there for the exams on Monday and said they had a flat tire. When they got the exam the 4th question worth 85 was- which tire?
Acts 17
Athens had all the philosophies they had more idols than people. 60,000
Paul was stirred in his spirit.
He went to the market place and he got invited to speak to the intelligencia
Paul started to talk about the unknown God
1. Where did I come from? Dad where did I come from? Oregon?
Ne have a God who made the world. God who creates. Made something from nothing.
How do you describe Nothing? Big difference between creating something from nothing or to say nothing created everything.
Bertrand Russel: how do you explain creation? he said: I don't know- it just is.
China killed 30 million.
Russia killed 30-60 million
Hitler killed 12-18 M
Cambodia
Ruwonda
Take God out and nothing matters.
2. Purpose
Why am I here?
2 RR track layers met the president. One used to work with the man who is now the president. Why? one worked for the railway the other one for $0.10 @ hour.
Ernest Hemmingway pulled the trigger on himself. "Life is a short day from nothingness to nothing."
Emily's husband died. Dr Paul Brandt, her son, told her to go home. She lived in an 8×8 hut for the rest of her life - 25 years. She did not own a mirror. She was obsessed with the calling God gave her.
3. Morality
How shall I live?
What is 2+2? What do you want it to be?
C.S. Lewis: Everyone has the moral imperative. When we take God out of the picture we can mutilate babies for entertainment.
Redemption Salvation Worship
God made the bridge. No other religion calls God father
4 . Destiny
What happens when you die?
Count down clocks? Comedian said: I want to live forever - so far so good. Death changes things.
At a funeral the daughter screamed hysterically, crawled into the casket.
For a Christian death is the beginning. I will never be more alive than at that moment. The same hand that died for me will reach out to me and welcome me.
Be convinced that God loves you.
What happens when you die?
A friend and I worked laying pipe. After a lot of abuse by the boss I prayed: "Dear Lord I will smack the foreman on the head." Before we could do that we got fired.
You don't have to believe anything. What I believe makes me happy. What if I'm right and you are wrong? Where will you be if you don't believe?
Some day God will ask- what did you do with my Son?
Are you willing to invite God?
Download this message at www.EdgewaterAlliance.org
Friday, February 20, 2009
TRAZODONE
I used to get 4-5 hrs of sleep, and was fast becoming a zombie. I started taking TRAZODONE on the advice of our counselor, and a prescription from my doctor, and now I'm gettting 7 - 9 hrs of sleep.As the deer longs for streams of water,
so I long for you, O God.
Day and night I have only tears for food, - that's right!
while my enemies continually taunt me, saying,
“Where is this God of yours?”
My heart is breaking - into a thousand pieces every day
My heart is breaking - into a thousand pieces every day
as I remember how it used to be:
I walked among the crowds of worshipers,
leading a great procession to the house of God,
singing for joy and giving thanks
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and 6 my God!
Now I am deeply discouraged,
Now I am deeply discouraged,
but I will remember you— even from distant Mount
“O God my rock,” I cry,
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I wander around in grief,
oppressed by my enemies?”
Their taunts break my bones.
They scoff, “Where is this God of yours?”
Why am I discouraged?
Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and my God! - I hope
More pictures
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Time to Pick a Memorial?
Here is what we are looking at. We need some advice.Which style do you like?
Which colour of stone do you prefer?
What illustrations, what text, what picture should we put on the memorial? What would Renee have wanted? None of this!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Accident Claims the Lives of 2 Sisters
My cousin Becky (Siemens) and Bruce Bartel's two daughters, Tannis 21 and Heidi 18, died in a car accident today. They were on the way to wedding in Vanderhoof, BC. Their parents, sister, and brother will miss them terribly. They live in Carrot River, Sask. The funeral is Friday at 2pm.
Pray for the family. They have a VERY large extended family. Becky and Alvina (Don) Heinrichs are sisters.
the other 1/2 of the accident is at www.judywiebe.blogspot.com
Pray for the family. They have a VERY large extended family. Becky and Alvina (Don) Heinrichs are sisters.
the other 1/2 of the accident is at www.judywiebe.blogspot.com
Friday, January 23, 2009
Teach us to number our days?
Click on the title to get a detailed explanation. 30 - 40 people read this blog every day. More than 50,000 people have visited this blog in the last 11.5 months when Renee helped me put the counter on this blog.
I am no preacher. I am not the fountain of wisdom.
So many people have tried to tell me not to blame myself for Renee's untimely death. It was her time to go. Her "ordained" day. I have a great deal of difficulty with that. Are you saying God made that drunk drive down the wrong way of a one-way street so that the 28-year-old lady would be killed? That our friend's son would go hang himself on a tree in the wilderness on the "ordained" day where it would take 6 years to find his body? Leona jumped off the bridge on the day that was "ordained" for her?
Not likely.
I was distracted and I will regret that for the rest of my life. I was not there for Renee when she needed me the most. It was not her time to go. She was too young and excited about life and what God would do through her.
I was at the AG show in Brandon yesterday. A number of people came up to me to express their sympathies. Thank you. I might get teary eyed when you do that, but I really appreciate when you let me know that you care. That you feel a little bit of my pain.
Renee's 11th month heavenday is coming up next week Monday. I fully believe the Bible to be God's Word to us, and that tells me that Renee is "in Paradise" with Jesus and the thief on the cross. When Paul said "to die is gain" he meant that he too would be in Paradise without delay.
In the meantime I'm "wasting" my days trying to keep busy building another business. Hoping that my brain will function well enough some day to invent some more stuff. Trying to find more people to join our teams. I should get some people to be on my "board of directors" / advisors. Whom should I ask? Would anyone want to help a reject like me?
Thanks for listening. I feel better?
I am no preacher. I am not the fountain of wisdom.
So many people have tried to tell me not to blame myself for Renee's untimely death. It was her time to go. Her "ordained" day. I have a great deal of difficulty with that. Are you saying God made that drunk drive down the wrong way of a one-way street so that the 28-year-old lady would be killed? That our friend's son would go hang himself on a tree in the wilderness on the "ordained" day where it would take 6 years to find his body? Leona jumped off the bridge on the day that was "ordained" for her?
Not likely.
I was distracted and I will regret that for the rest of my life. I was not there for Renee when she needed me the most. It was not her time to go. She was too young and excited about life and what God would do through her.
I was at the AG show in Brandon yesterday. A number of people came up to me to express their sympathies. Thank you. I might get teary eyed when you do that, but I really appreciate when you let me know that you care. That you feel a little bit of my pain.
Renee's 11th month heavenday is coming up next week Monday. I fully believe the Bible to be God's Word to us, and that tells me that Renee is "in Paradise" with Jesus and the thief on the cross. When Paul said "to die is gain" he meant that he too would be in Paradise without delay.
In the meantime I'm "wasting" my days trying to keep busy building another business. Hoping that my brain will function well enough some day to invent some more stuff. Trying to find more people to join our teams. I should get some people to be on my "board of directors" / advisors. Whom should I ask? Would anyone want to help a reject like me?
Thanks for listening. I feel better?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
We do not recover
We do not recover from the death of a loved one.
In fact, we never recover from that death in the same way we recover from an illness or broken limb. It will always be a part of us—always—and to suggest otherwise is unrealistically and harshly to imply that we somehow "get over" the feelings about the event or stop experiencing painful reminiscences of the loved one or the death.
A much more accurate metaphor is represented in the old Carole King song "Tapestry."
My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue
An everlasting vision of the ever-changing view
A wondrous woven magic in bits of blue and gold
A tapestry to feel and see, impossible to hold.
In fact our lives are "tapestries," and the death of a loved one is a ripping, gaping, bleeding hole in the very midst of that tapestry of our life. How, then, is the tapestry rewoven? It does not, with the mere passage of time, magically pull itself back together. Rather, it is rewoven only with the initiative, energy, and strength of the survivor reaching in and grasping the torn ends of threads, painfully pulling them back and tying them together. And it is rewoven only with those persons around the survivor cutting threads from their own tapestries and bringing them to the survivor, with love and support and caring and tears and strength, helping to further tie the threads and fill in the gaping hole.
So, eventually, the tapestry is rewoven. But that "glitch" is always there, the roughness of that reweaving is, and always will be, apparent. In fact it may be twenty years from now, as the survivor reviews the tapestry of his or her life, or is in a particular setting, or hears a song on the radio, or remembers a special day of the month, that the rewoven seam is seen and felt again, and the survivor remembers and cries, or feels sad, or is touched by the love and caring expressed by those whose threads are apparent there—and that is perfectly normal. We do not recover from a death, but when we allow others to help, we can reweave our tapestry.
— Charles Meyer, in Surviving Death
In fact, we never recover from that death in the same way we recover from an illness or broken limb. It will always be a part of us—always—and to suggest otherwise is unrealistically and harshly to imply that we somehow "get over" the feelings about the event or stop experiencing painful reminiscences of the loved one or the death.
A much more accurate metaphor is represented in the old Carole King song "Tapestry."
My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue
An everlasting vision of the ever-changing view
A wondrous woven magic in bits of blue and gold
A tapestry to feel and see, impossible to hold.
In fact our lives are "tapestries," and the death of a loved one is a ripping, gaping, bleeding hole in the very midst of that tapestry of our life. How, then, is the tapestry rewoven? It does not, with the mere passage of time, magically pull itself back together. Rather, it is rewoven only with the initiative, energy, and strength of the survivor reaching in and grasping the torn ends of threads, painfully pulling them back and tying them together. And it is rewoven only with those persons around the survivor cutting threads from their own tapestries and bringing them to the survivor, with love and support and caring and tears and strength, helping to further tie the threads and fill in the gaping hole.
So, eventually, the tapestry is rewoven. But that "glitch" is always there, the roughness of that reweaving is, and always will be, apparent. In fact it may be twenty years from now, as the survivor reviews the tapestry of his or her life, or is in a particular setting, or hears a song on the radio, or remembers a special day of the month, that the rewoven seam is seen and felt again, and the survivor remembers and cries, or feels sad, or is touched by the love and caring expressed by those whose threads are apparent there—and that is perfectly normal. We do not recover from a death, but when we allow others to help, we can reweave our tapestry.
— Charles Meyer, in Surviving Death
COOOLD
the announcer took great pleasure this morning telling us that our temperature in Winnipeg is at minus forty-nine Celsius (-49ºC) or -49 celsius is equal to -56.20 fahrenheit
who thinks that's cold enough?
I sent Justin and Alayna text messages about the temperature, suggesting I would be their taxi today. Justin took me up on that. I drove an hour extra to give him a 5 minute ride to work. He will walk home later.
who thinks that's cold enough?
I sent Justin and Alayna text messages about the temperature, suggesting I would be their taxi today. Justin took me up on that. I drove an hour extra to give him a 5 minute ride to work. He will walk home later.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
One year ago Renée wrote
Today's service at Redeemer Presbyterian - I will summarize:
The story of Job shows us that God is in control, and he does not initiate evil, permits it but also limits it.
There are two common responses to suffering:
Stoic cynicism:
- ask why me?
- there must be no God or if there is he doesn't give a crap so I can live however I want
Fanatic moralism:
- ask why me?
- I must have done something wrong so try and be a better person
Most people are one of the two, some go back and forth between them
When we ask why?
- we need to learn to live without an answer and to embrace living without
- that shows whether we love God just for what He does for us or for who He is
Can I do that?
It's a hard faith
a cruel mountain pass
we cross hoping
but with no promise of
greener patures the other
side
It's a hard word
this disjointed syllable
we invoke hoping
that somewhere it will
be heard and
answered
It's a hard God
a wild animal who
asks for love and
admiration with the
promise of nothing in
return
I am selfish. So, so selfish. And I am afraid I will continue to be for some time yet. My dependence has never been on you. You have never defined me. I have depended on my friends, my work, my hobbies, even my beliefs and ideologies to define me but never you.
It made me feel good to hear your voice, to pray in tongues, to get guidance, words, pictures, etc. I know your spirit was in me and I don't think I was acting out of pride but maybe it was just a way to feel good about myself. And wasn't I often jealous of others' gifts?
It's true that my reaction at first was - have I not done enough? (moralism) But then it shifted to - because this is happening God must not care. I still firmly believe that when I was first diagnosed I was not doing anything wrong - there was nothing more I could have done to please God. I was exactly where he told me to be, doing His will as best I knew how. So the whole moralism thing didn't last very long.
And now I've been so cynical, believing that you're a malicious tyrant who inflicts suffering for the hell of it, or just not caring.
Anesthesia
I like the feeling
of going under
thick white liquid
capable hands push the syringec
ount backwards
10... 9...
veins warm, muscles dissolve
And quick
merciful sleep
too quickly over
haiku - possible submission to heal magazine??
- if I remember
The story of Job shows us that God is in control, and he does not initiate evil, permits it but also limits it.
There are two common responses to suffering:
Stoic cynicism:
- ask why me?
- there must be no God or if there is he doesn't give a crap so I can live however I want
Fanatic moralism:
- ask why me?
- I must have done something wrong so try and be a better person
Most people are one of the two, some go back and forth between them
When we ask why?
- we need to learn to live without an answer and to embrace living without
- that shows whether we love God just for what He does for us or for who He is
Can I do that?
It's a hard faith
a cruel mountain pass
we cross hoping
but with no promise of
greener patures the other
side
It's a hard word
this disjointed syllable
we invoke hoping
that somewhere it will
be heard and
answered
It's a hard God
a wild animal who
asks for love and
admiration with the
promise of nothing in
return
I am selfish. So, so selfish. And I am afraid I will continue to be for some time yet. My dependence has never been on you. You have never defined me. I have depended on my friends, my work, my hobbies, even my beliefs and ideologies to define me but never you.
It made me feel good to hear your voice, to pray in tongues, to get guidance, words, pictures, etc. I know your spirit was in me and I don't think I was acting out of pride but maybe it was just a way to feel good about myself. And wasn't I often jealous of others' gifts?
It's true that my reaction at first was - have I not done enough? (moralism) But then it shifted to - because this is happening God must not care. I still firmly believe that when I was first diagnosed I was not doing anything wrong - there was nothing more I could have done to please God. I was exactly where he told me to be, doing His will as best I knew how. So the whole moralism thing didn't last very long.
And now I've been so cynical, believing that you're a malicious tyrant who inflicts suffering for the hell of it, or just not caring.
Anesthesia
I like the feeling
of going under
thick white liquid
capable hands push the syringec
ount backwards
10... 9...
veins warm, muscles dissolve
And quick
merciful sleep
too quickly over
haiku - possible submission to heal magazine??
- if I remember
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Baptismal and Membership
Our church had 8 new members join tonight - 5 youth through baptism and 3 adult transfers. One of the songs we sang tonight was:
The River
Brian Doerksen, Michael Hansen, Brian Thiessen
To the river I am going
Bringing sins I cannot bear
Come and cleanse me, come forgive me
Lord I need to meet you there
In these waters, healing mercy
Flows with freedom from despair
I am going, to that river
Lord I need to meet you there
Precious Jesus, I am ready
To surrender every care
Take my hand now, lead me closer
Lord I need to meet you there
Come and join us, in the river
Come find life beyond compare
He is calling, He is waiting
Jesus longs to meet you there
©2004 Integrity’s Hosanna! Music
CCLI Song No. 4316864
The River
Brian Doerksen, Michael Hansen, Brian Thiessen
To the river I am going
Bringing sins I cannot bear
Come and cleanse me, come forgive me
Lord I need to meet you there
In these waters, healing mercy
Flows with freedom from despair
I am going, to that river
Lord I need to meet you there
Precious Jesus, I am ready
To surrender every care
Take my hand now, lead me closer
Lord I need to meet you there
Come and join us, in the river
Come find life beyond compare
He is calling, He is waiting
Jesus longs to meet you there
©2004 Integrity’s Hosanna! Music
CCLI Song No. 4316864
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Blue Christmas - How Do I?
How do I accept when everything inside me is fighting?
How do I accept when I'm locked in memory?
How do I move on when I keep looking back?
How do I heal when I keep re-opening the wound?
How do I find You Lord, when I can't see past the pain?
Find me Lord, please find me.
How do I accept when I'm locked in memory?
How do I move on when I keep looking back?
How do I heal when I keep re-opening the wound?
How do I find You Lord, when I can't see past the pain?
Find me Lord, please find me.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Christmas - post 2-26
I am profoundly sad.
We had as good a Christmas as possible. Martha and Karalee did a wonderful job of Christmas dinner. I helped prepare our traditional blintz breakfast. Alayna and Corey came for that. We started this tradition sometime after we got introduced to blintzes while in New York for Renee's initial transplant.
Our coffee maker broke down and so we make coffee in the bodum, Renee's favourite coffee maker. Every time I pour a coffee I think of Renee, and I regret that I was not there for her on the Thursday before she died. Had I been there for her that day, she might still be with us.
Renee ordered 2 Christmas videos for us, but for some reason, we watched "White Christmas" instead. Kind of a waste of time.
I have been going though some of Renee's fabulous pictures. I'm thinking I should post the best ones to her facebook. I so miss her exhuberance and infectious laugh. You can hear that laugh on her YouTube.
To go to sleep, I watch an episode of "Home Improvement" or "Corner Gas" or "Different Strokes". You get the idea. Something to get my mind off the paralyzing pain. When I wake up during the night, I push the play button on the CD player and listen to a message from Redeemer.
We gave our kids Shopping Spree certificates so we can go shopping with them after Christmas.
Sunday is the big day when Martha's family is gathering at our house for Christmas. We have been wonderfully distracted with the preparations, finally getting around to cleaning up most of the downstairs.
I suppose I should write a Christmas email, but everything feels so useless. After all, it's not like I have anything uplifting to say.
I will post more pictures here.
We had as good a Christmas as possible. Martha and Karalee did a wonderful job of Christmas dinner. I helped prepare our traditional blintz breakfast. Alayna and Corey came for that. We started this tradition sometime after we got introduced to blintzes while in New York for Renee's initial transplant.
Our coffee maker broke down and so we make coffee in the bodum, Renee's favourite coffee maker. Every time I pour a coffee I think of Renee, and I regret that I was not there for her on the Thursday before she died. Had I been there for her that day, she might still be with us.
Renee ordered 2 Christmas videos for us, but for some reason, we watched "White Christmas" instead. Kind of a waste of time.
I have been going though some of Renee's fabulous pictures. I'm thinking I should post the best ones to her facebook. I so miss her exhuberance and infectious laugh. You can hear that laugh on her YouTube.
To go to sleep, I watch an episode of "Home Improvement" or "Corner Gas" or "Different Strokes". You get the idea. Something to get my mind off the paralyzing pain. When I wake up during the night, I push the play button on the CD player and listen to a message from Redeemer.
We gave our kids Shopping Spree certificates so we can go shopping with them after Christmas.
Sunday is the big day when Martha's family is gathering at our house for Christmas. We have been wonderfully distracted with the preparations, finally getting around to cleaning up most of the downstairs.
I suppose I should write a Christmas email, but everything feels so useless. After all, it's not like I have anything uplifting to say.
I will post more pictures here.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
How Many Kings
Here is a video link sent by a friend of mine. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do. Click the title above for more background on this song.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
"Normal"
"There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child. Things never get back to the way they were." by Dwight D Eisenhower
I just watched Criminal Minds "Normal" written by Andrew Wilder and starring Joe Mantegna, Paget Brewster, Shemar Moore, A.J. Cook, Matthew Gray Gubler, Kirsten Vangsness and Thomas Gibson. "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and..." - H.L. Mencken
There is no more "Normal"
I just watched Criminal Minds "Normal" written by Andrew Wilder and starring Joe Mantegna, Paget Brewster, Shemar Moore, A.J. Cook, Matthew Gray Gubler, Kirsten Vangsness and Thomas Gibson. "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and..." - H.L. Mencken
There is no more "Normal"
Monday, December 15, 2008
tears streaming down
We are generally not very good, as a society, at creating space for grief. Our culture does not allow very much room for loss. No – ancient near eastern cultures were much better at grieving than we are. Have you ever wondered where you could go with your grief, or who you could turn to... Click here for more
Thanks Emily.
Thanks Emily.
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