Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Baptismal and Membership

Our church had 8 new members join tonight - 5 youth through baptism and 3 adult transfers. One of the songs we sang tonight was:

The River
Brian Doerksen, Michael Hansen, Brian Thiessen

To the river I am going
Bringing sins I cannot bear
Come and cleanse me, come forgive me
Lord I need to meet you there
In these waters, healing mercy
Flows with freedom from despair
I am going, to that river
Lord I need to meet you there
Precious Jesus, I am ready
To surrender every care
Take my hand now, lead me closer
Lord I need to meet you there
Come and join us, in the river
Come find life beyond compare
He is calling, He is waiting
Jesus longs to meet you there

©2004 Integrity’s Hosanna! Music
CCLI Song No. 4316864

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Blue Christmas - How Do I?

How do I accept when everything inside me is fighting?
How do I accept when I'm locked in memory?
How do I move on when I keep looking back?
How do I heal when I keep re-opening the wound?
How do I find You Lord, when I can't see past the pain?
Find me Lord, please find me.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Christmas - post 2-26

I am profoundly sad.

We had as good a Christmas as possible. Martha and Karalee did a wonderful job of Christmas dinner. I helped prepare our traditional blintz breakfast. Alayna and Corey came for that. We started this tradition sometime after we got introduced to blintzes while in New York for Renee's initial transplant.

Our coffee maker broke down and so we make coffee in the bodum, Renee's favourite coffee maker. Every time I pour a coffee I think of Renee, and I regret that I was not there for her on the Thursday before she died. Had I been there for her that day, she might still be with us.

Renee ordered 2 Christmas videos for us, but for some reason, we watched "White Christmas" instead. Kind of a waste of time.

I have been going though some of Renee's fabulous pictures. I'm thinking I should post the best ones to her facebook. I so miss her exhuberance and infectious laugh. You can hear that laugh on her YouTube.

To go to sleep, I watch an episode of "Home Improvement" or "Corner Gas" or "Different Strokes". You get the idea. Something to get my mind off the paralyzing pain. When I wake up during the night, I push the play button on the CD player and listen to a message from Redeemer.

We gave our kids Shopping Spree certificates so we can go shopping with them after Christmas.

Sunday is the big day when Martha's family is gathering at our house for Christmas. We have been wonderfully distracted with the preparations, finally getting around to cleaning up most of the downstairs.

I suppose I should write a Christmas email, but everything feels so useless. After all, it's not like I have anything uplifting to say.

I will post more pictures here.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

How Many Kings

Here is a video link sent by a friend of mine. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do. Click the title above for more background on this song.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


"There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child. Things never get back to the way they were." by Dwight D Eisenhower

I just watched Criminal Minds "Normal" written by Andrew Wilder and starring Joe Mantegna, Paget Brewster, Shemar Moore, A.J. Cook, Matthew Gray Gubler, Kirsten Vangsness and Thomas Gibson. "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and..." - H.L. Mencken

There is no more "Normal"

Monday, December 15, 2008

tears streaming down

We are generally not very good, as a society, at creating space for grief. Our culture does not allow very much room for loss. No – ancient near eastern cultures were much better at grieving than we are. Have you ever wondered where you could go with your grief, or who you could turn to... Click here for more
Thanks Emily.