Sunday, March 30, 2008

I Am Sending You

Dr Timothy Keller

The risen Christ
Shows us the resurection
Sends us out
Gives us hope

1. Jesus shows- what the resurrection is like
physical -eats food
Ordinary -not shining or radiant a regular body In light of Daniel 12 the Jews would have thought they'd have to put on sunglasses. Can now go thru locked door. That is our future reality. Paul 2 Cor 5 says: the mortal swallowed by life fully clothed. Not less physical but more physical. Better senses. Is red like the sound of a trumpet? What if we had 1,000 senses? We are like cucumbers. The difference between our present cells and oar future cells is like the difference between an acorn and a forest.
v21 Jesus said I'm a missionary and so are you - redeem the world. Bring the kingdom of God. Absolute well being. The blind see-. Shalom
2. Christian mission is unique. Radically wholistic. We are ready to sacrifice to bring about Sri Lancan Christian says Christian faith
Joni Earikson Tada said you can't get this kind of salvation anywhere else. I will get a new spinal chord.
"If Jesus was coming back tomorrow I'd plant a tree - I want to hear it sing" Martin Luther
3. A sure and certain hope Peace be unto you! Shalom
Guaranteed hope.
If you got paid 15,000 for a tedius job or 15,000,000 your attitude to your job would be so much different.

If you really knew about the glorius future waiting for you, you would be charged up and able to face anything.

Jesus had wounds. Now the scars made the joy greater. the worst things that ever happened to you will turn upside down and become your great reward.

The law of Moses and everything else in the Bible is about Jesus. ''I'm the ultimate sacrifice." It's all about what Jesus has done. You can do anything through Jesus of the Scars

Why we do what we do

Keith Boyd

Encounter God
Engage Community
Change Agents
Equip prepare for service
Empower do it
Everyone needs training. Our job is to represent God. Bringing UP THERE down here. We have students of Jesus. Do we have disciples of Jesus? Equipped Change Agents? Do we even know how to study the Bible?
4 kinds of people n the church. Explorers. Trying to figure out who God is. Beginners. Christians- Eager to learn. Friends of Jesus. Satisfied Christians. Christ Centered people. Change agents. Investing in others. Committed. Competent. Know how to point others to Christ. Burning heart. Passion. Creative. Reality.
Know about Jewish customs So you can witness to them. What are you doing right now that is outside your comfort zone? Doing it only because God called you to.
Excuses are not enough.
Do what God asked you to do.
For 20 years, Barbara has "been throwing a coffee party for Jesus" every week and Trinity pays for it.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

We have arrived in New York

It sure felt weird to walk into our apartment. Teresa did a good job of cleaning it after we left in February. Renee's pills were still on the counter.

We decided that we were tired of moving in and out of hotels, and we could get to NYC by 10:30, so why not?

So here we are - to clean up, to mourn, to remember, to celebrate?

Kara has learned a lot about making videos and she has sure done some cool things. She would be so honoured if you ordered a memorial video of Renèe. A donation to YWAMvancouver would be much appreciated.


1st fill 18mpg
2nd fill 21mpg
3rd fill with E85 corn ethanol 13mpg and the truck didnt have power.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Trip to NYC

We did not have the energy to leave on Wednesday. By 2 PM Thursday we finally got going. We stopped for a business meeting in Morris. When we were done with that, we discovered that I had left our passports at home. By the time we got home and then got going again, it was 6pm and we got only as far as Fargo.

This morning we got up at 6 am and arrived in MSP by 11 where our friends Tiger and Wally Johnson joined us for lunch. The Johnsons started IBG long before we started LifeLight. They have been a shining example to us.

We stopped for a bit in Wisconson Dells and got to Laporte, IN for the night. We have 12 more hours to go to get to our apartment. Our NYC arrival deadline is the evening service at

What is our mood like? We talk, we listen to music, we play Scrabble, we stop for pictures, gas, and nature? and exercise breaks. 11 pm we are exhausted. Goodnight!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

A month ago TODAY

5:30 am - Renee will not live through the day
7:25 pm - Renee promoted to glory
and we are left to mourn - grieve, scream, pound our heads against the wall
speechless, bereft, waiting for the dawninng of a new day
when will that day come?
one GREAT BIG void plus the inflicted pain of losing the core business reason for getting up in the morning taken away in a hostile takeover
grieving is not more efficient when grieving more than one loss at the same time
grieving is far more devastating when you get hit in a 1-2-3 punch
maybe getting away from it all will help
maybe going to a GriefShare session tonight will help

Time to go to New York AGAIN

We expect to drive to New York, leaving Wednesday. Our friends, Martha and Londa are flying in, and we will spend the week together, cleaning out the apartment by early the following week. We would then like to stay at a beach house somewhere on the coast, south of New York while we wait for Alayna to join us on the 20th of April for a week in New York. We should be home by the end of April or early May.

If you know of a beach house between New York and Georgia, please let us know. If you are a friend of Renee's and you live between Minneapolis and New York, please let us know. We'd love to meet with you.

Does anyone know this story?

We are looking forward to getting a copy of the monologue that was done in Vancouver this Easter Sunday. It is part of "My Beloved" - an Easter production that Renee wrote. The original performance of this drama was done in 2004. We don't know if anybody video taped that performance or not. If anybody has a copy of that we sure would appreciate getting a copy.

Kara has finished the Memorial video and the Earth, Fire, Water, Wind video on DVD. If you are interested please let us know. If you make a donation in Renee's memory to we'd be happy to send you a copy. Please reply to this email with _ copies of ___ in the subject line so we can make enough copies.

Thank you for continuing to pray for us as we process our grief - that all of us, including Renee's siblings, other close family members and friends, that we will all be able to grieve this huge loss in ways that will be healthy and find resources that will be helpful.
Raymond and Martha Dueck
359 E 68th Street Apt 2A, New York, NY 10065
Martha 917-751-0421
Renee's blog at -
Martha's blog
Raymond 352.235.4688
See Renee's hospital at
Support our favorite charity

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Who knows the story?

Renee received this from one of her friends. We think it was on the WAVE in '05. We think whoever gave it to her said he/she had a revelation about a crown for Renee that had these colors in the crown. Could you please fill us in?

I Am He

These are my notes of the last church service Renee attended with us and Lynne. My PDA refused to send it to the blog. You can order the full message on-line at These notes do not do justice to Dr Timothy Keller.

John 18: 1-11 - The arrest of Jesus describes:
1. the greatest claim "I am"
2. the greatest problem
3. the greatest Mission

Before Abraham existed "I am"
The divine name God gave to Moses. I just am. That is astounding
Everyone else says here is the way to the truth. Jesus is not telling us how to find God. "I came to find you." No one has ever made that claim.
If Jesus is a lunatic then he deserves no respect.
Jesus said he saw Satan falling from heaven. If Jesus is right he is supreme.
Son of God is a far fetched claim. Bono says Christ does not allow you to call him anything but God.
All other religions say I have the better way. Only Jesus says "I am God"
You cannot just admire him. That has no intellectual integrity.

2. The greatest Problem
Battle hardened troops were knockod flat when Jesus said "I am". That happens all through the Bible when people come into the presence of God
When people come near the presence of God it is real trauma. We get knocked off our feet.
Our identifies are often based on performance. Or accomplishments. If you graduate from an Ivey League school it becomes part of your identity.
We can't even come into the presence of superlative people.
We all need a judgement day to make things right. But who can stand in the presence of God? We would be condemmed by our own standards. Never mind God's.
Solution? In point 3

3. The greatest Mission
200 soldiers came to arrest Jesus and his disciples.
Jesus said - forgive them - take me - let them go free.
The Last of the Mohikans. Duncan says - kill me release Cora.
Substitutionary sacrifice. The cup = justice of God. On Judgement day Jesus said, I will pay so you can stand. The judge of all the earth came to be judged.
You can lose your footing through bitterness. Or you can be assured justice is coming.
Peter denied Christ. Jesus responded with unyielding love. Fall at His feet now and stand on that day.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Letter to Focus on the Family

Renee Dueck (age 18)
East St. Paul, MB
February 21, 2003

Box 9800 Stn Terminal
Vancouver, BC
V6B 4G3

I am very concerned on the statement your magazine appears to be making about war, especially concerning the "Truth Encounter" article in the Feb 03 issue. I would like to remind you that even if you may have a conservative right-wing political viewpoint, not all of your readers will. If you feel the need to write political articles of this kind, regarding war, please try to represent the other side of the issue.
This is a very hard letter for me to write, because I know that Focus on the Family has helped many families in North America, and is a very well known, respected organization. I am not sure that my letter will make any difference or that any one will even take notice of the opinion of one Canadian teenager. You have your opinions on war and I fear no amount of arguing my opinions will ever change yours. And I am not asking you to change. However, I am asking you to respect other beliefs and opinions, and at least open your mind enough to think about what I am going to say. I think I speak for many Christians all over the world when I say this. I know of many Christians who do not agree with war. So, please do not go propagating war in your magazines. I believe you can do a lot of good with your magazines, and one of the greatest things you could do is teach your readers is teach them how to make decisions on their own instead of spoon-feeding them your philosophies. It is not only the "Truth Encounter" article that has bothered me. Other articles about the army, or violent comics, have supported the idea of violence and war. I will quickly outline for you some of my specific problems with the article in question.
I feel that you are attacking the idea of peace instantly simply by calling peacemakers the "Opponents". Yes, we oppose war in Iraq, but you immediately make this an "us-against-them" issue when you use words like that. We are all brothers and sisters in Christ. You also ignore a huge part of war, which is killing innocent people, in your little bit about the "Advocates". You speak of taking up arms against "evil-doers" when the Bible says very clearly in Ephesians 6:12 that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood". The people in Iraq are not the evildoers. Our only real enemies are Satan and his demons. They are the ones we should be fighting--not the Iraqis, not even Sadaam Hussein. I do not believe that even Sadaam Hussein is beyond the reaches of God’s grace. He is not evil incarnate, but simply a tool used by evil. If you remember the story of the Apostle Paul, he was such as well before the grace of God entered his life. This is why I believe Christians would be better off not fighting people, but rather fighting our true enemy the Devil, through prayer and spiritual warfare. Yes, something has to be done about Hussein, it’s obvious that he should not be in power, but there are other ways of fighting, besides war. We serve a God who is far stronger than Hussein or any government or dictatorship in the world.
I am also not sure at the appropriateness of the scripture you chose either. Although you did not really interpret it clearly the way in which you uses twists it somewhat. When using scripture from the Old Testament, it is important to always read it in light of what Jesus did in the New Testament. He did not come to abolish the law of the Old Testament, so it is still useful and valid today, but he fulfilled it, which means it is not the final word. The Mosaic laws required and eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth. A gracious God, who wanted to protect his people and keep them from punishing each other too harshly, made these laws. It is human nature to want to get even and then some. However, when Jesus came he raised the standard even more. He taught us in Matthew 5:44-45 to "Love you enemies and pray for those who persecute you that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and send rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."
Basically, my question for you is "What Would Jesus Do?" Think about it. Would Jesus drop a bomb on Iraq? Would he pick up a gun to kill Iraqi soldiers? You could get into a deep philosophical or political debate, but do not. It is a simple question, and the answer is also quite simple. I could go on explaining my views on the destruction and inhumanity brought about by war, but this is what it really all boils down to. For people who do not have the hope of Christ, who do not have God’s power on their side, I cannot really blame them for thinking that war is the only way. I can hardly condemn the actions of people who do not know better. However, I feel that as Christian people, we should hardly be supporting such actions. We should be on our knees, praying and loving the Iraqi people. That is where the real action will happen.
I am sorry if this letter has taken up too much of your valuable time. Please hear and consider my viewpoint. I hope you will devote at least as much space in your magazine to us pacifists and our viewpoint as you do to the conservatives who hold your viewpoint.

Renee Dueck


Woke up at 5am- oh, the pain of searing loss! Why? Why? Why? Why did Renee have to die? Who will continue her work? No one! No one can do what only she could do!
Will the church be mobilized for missions, will someone continue Renee's passion for changing the world thru the arts? Who?
How will we get over this pain? This agony? How will her friends get over the pain? Can they forgive us for the publicity Renee got that she would have hated?
What can we do to help them get over the pain?

Tuesday nite we went to Meiji Sushi for Renee's birthday. Since Alayna had to work that night, all 5 of us went to The Tomato Pie for Italian food on Wednesday nite. They gave us complimentary cannolis for desert. Renee would have loved that. She introduced us to cannolis in Little Italy New York.

Thursday our neighbours, Ken & Julia, brought a delicious supper we enjoyed at our house.
Friday we went to the early service at Eastview and to Martha's mom for the afternoon. Today Cal and Anna treated us for lunch and an Indian film at FreezeFrame Winnipeg.
Tomorrow we look forward to having our dear friends Henry and Martha at our house for the afternoon. Next week we plan to drive to New York via Toronto, with stops along the way to visit friends, including hospitalized Aunt Esther.

On another note - Kara is almost done with a compilation of the memorial services on DVD. We'd love to send everyone a copy for the cost of a donation to

More pictures at picasa

Friday, March 21, 2008

The Mourner's Bill of Rights

Thanks to Greg Armstrong
1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don't allow them to tell what you should or should not be feeling.
2. You have the right to talk about your grief.
Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief. If at times you don't feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.
3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.
Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don't take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.
4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don't allow others to push you into doing things you don't feel ready to do.
5. You have the right to experience "grief-bursts."
Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.
6. You have the right to make use of ritual.
Ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More importantly, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you the funeral or other healing rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don't listen.
7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality,
If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who won't be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.
8. You have the right to search for meaning.
You may find yourself asking, "Why did he or she die? Why this way? Why now?" Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for the clichéd responses some people may give you. Comments like, "It was God's will" or "Think of what you have to be thankful for", are not helpful and you do not have to accept them.
9. You have the right to treasure your memories.
Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.
10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.
Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Renee's 24th Birthday

Tomorrow is Renee's 24th Birthday. Exactly 3 weeks after promotion to GloryLand. You are welcome to send emails to us and or continue to write on her FaceBook wall. Your tributes will become part of her Book of Remembrance. Some will be published in various venues.

We celebrated her legacy in Vancouver on Saturday. Last nite we dined with some of her friends at Tio Pepe's Restaurante Mexicano. She had told us to dine at that restaurant during her last hours of consciousness. Pictures will be posted on my blog.

Alayna and Justin have arrived in Winnipeg. We arrive later today.

Your prayers have helped us through this valley of tears, agony, and loss. She will be unspeakably missed. We look forward to meeting her in GloryLand.
Raymond and Martha Dueck

Renee's blog at

My blog

Martha's blog

See our pictures at

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Palm Sunday

Vancouver Eastside Vineyard
Matthew 11 - Jesus the King became a man and died for us
Beautiful slide show in Memory of Renee
Next Friday ends Renee's Fast praying for Renee's legacy to continue.
A Fearless Inventory - the letters of Revelation
1. Laodicea - famous for wealth and self sufficiency
2. Jesus is the true and faithful the source of all creation
3. The problem: The church was lukewarm like the bad city water. They compromised what they believed. Wealth does not help. Western society is much like Laodicea with all the false security of wealth.
All of us are one step away from homeless.
We deceive ourselves with our perfect churches. So many are not authentic. Eastside Vineyard is.
4. Us? Solution? Buy true riches, white clothes, true eye salve
Repent- change your ways- Jesus said- I stand at the door and knock. Open the door and become family with Jesus to sit on the throne with Jesus.

Out of our heart came the deeds. The heart of your church in the context of the death of this beautiful young woman, Renee. What you have done for her you have done for Christ.

God wants us to go deeper with Him. Block out the voices of despair and condemnation.

Gord: Where did God meet you today? Holy Spirit- Come!

How wonderful is my Saviour's love for me

Martha sang this song in the shower this morning. I stand Amazed

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Vancouver Memorial

Approx. 100 people come to celebrate Renee's life from as far away as California.
Justin spoke eloquently of how Renee had impacted him. Alayna and Kara did a beautiful recitation of Pepper by Silverstein. Her mom and I did a tribute and read some of Renee's blog.
Jaqui read from her journal about how devastated she was when she found out Renee had died. Randy YWAM director shared about the impact Renee had on YWAM and how her legacy will live on. The impact she had with her writings. Earth Fire Water Wind had a particular impact.
Ashley and Erin sang
Pastor Gord gave a tribute. Renee served where ever she could. Thank you Renee. We will see you in the morning. To lose such a wonderful daughter. The world has watched you parents walk through this ordeal. We have shared this precious gift.
To say I'll be waiting for you. The Video of Justin singing Amazing Grace for Renee is one of the most moving things ever.
I suffer grief - I am angry. We prayed for Renee. We told her we will fight for you. We prayed with her. We quoted Christ before me and encouraged her to hold on to St Patrick's breastplate. Renee hung on to that. God was telling her ''I'm waiting for you." All of heaven was waiting for her. She is saying to us now ''I am waiting for you!"
Wade shared about the joy Renee brought to the church in Vancouver. She loved to dance like one of the best.
Renee touched a lot of lives.
Stay and dance.
St Patrick's Breastplate

Pepper by Shel Silverstein
Always sprinkle pepper in your hair,
Always sprinkle pepper in your hair.
For then if you are kidnapped by a Wild Barbazzoop,
Who sells you to a Ragged Hag
Who wants you for her soup,
She’ll pick you up and sniff you,
And then she’ll sneeze “Achooo,”
And say, “My tot, you’re much too hot,
I fear you’ll never do.”
And with a shout she’ll throw you out,
And you’ll run away from there,
And soon you will be safe at home a-sittin’ in your chair,
If you always, always, always,
Always, always, always, always,
Always, always sprinkle pepper in your hair.

Renee's Facebook character analysis

If I were in The Office, I would be Jim
You are Jim. You are personable, easy-going, and always socially aware. Your great sense of humor and impishness soften the blow of what might otherwise be a dark, cutting cynicism.
In my past life, I was a platypus.
You were a platypus. You were eccentric and unclassifiable and it still shows. Your strength lies in your diverse associations with all walks of life. Although many people try to identify you, only you know your true self. ...
If I were a Female Action Hero, I would be Wonder Woman and Princess Leia
You are part Wonder Woman. You have a powerful and strong personality, and you use your persuasiveness and wisdom to keep firm control over your world. You are hard to break. You are part Princess Leia. ...
If I were a Disney Villain, I would be Jafar
You are Jafar. "How many times do I have to kill you boy?" You just want to be big and powerful... Is that so much to ask? I mean, you deserve it.

pretty funny!

If I were in Friends, I would be Chandler
You are Chandler. You're funny and that's why people like to have you around. You're also a great friend, and when someone you care about is in trouble, they know to come to you for some level-headed advice followed by some sharp sarcasm.

i have way too much time on my hands!

If I were in the Simpsons, I would be Apu
You are Apu. On the outside you are kind and a hard worker, but you lead a deceptively simple life. Though your cleverness might be underappreciated, you never miss an opportunity to sneak ahead in life.
My Major Should Be Art
Your major should be Art. You are sensitive, creative, and you don't follow established rules. Unfortunately, you'll have to follow some rules if you ever want that promotion at Starbucks.
If I were a Disney Princess, I would be Pocahontas
You are Pocahontas. You defy convention and sometimes do what is considered taboo. Unfortunately, others do not always appreciate

How are you?

You want the standard "fine - how are you?" or do you really want to know? What do you want me to say? What would make you feel good? What would make you feel good about me?
What stage of grief are you at?
Do you really want to know? Real friends do want to know. And the honest answer is- I'm in terrible pain. I've lost a very dear and precious friend. Someone who was very much like me, only so much better. Brighter. Smarter. Someone who was so idealistic, and working so hard to make this world a better place. Someone who had a passion to mobilize the church into missions and impact the world through the arts.
And I let her down. I was too distracted with my partner's forced buy-sell of my business to give her the attention she needed. Yes, she was in the best hospital in the world. We knew the parents are responsible to convey subtle changes in health. Did we make our concerns clear enough? No.
How do I feel? Awful!
The many layers of pain come and go in waves. The anger comes and goes in waves. The trust, the peace of God? Between the waves? In the waves?
Where is the peace that passes understanding?
We know God loves us. But it doesn't really feel like it. But then our faith is in a God that is so much bigger than we can ever imagine. So we have this hope of a glorious re-union in our Father's house of many mansions.
Are we crying? YES! Often. Not always. Sometimes you see a smile when my heart is crying.
Tonight we celebrate Renee's life in Vancouver with her Vancouver friends. We are on The Drive where Renee enjoyed to shop and dine. We sooo miss her. We look forward to meeting her friends.
Call us 778.868.3195

Thursday, March 13, 2008

We are in Vancouver

We have activated Renee's cell phone, so you can call us on that at 778-868-3195. We hope to do some relaxing. We are booked at

email from Mike
All glory to God. We came to an agreement today at 4:45 pm to purchase the 9000 sq ft property at 1845 Napier street. We will be putting down $225,000 toward the total price of $1,200,000.

Thank you to all of you who have been praying and standing with us during this amazing process. This is a great victory as we see land purchased for the kingdom in our city.

The building is secure and now we have time to be able to fund raise for the balance without the pressure of a pending deadline.

Tomorrow (Thursday) we fly out to Indonesia, so the timing has been absolutely amazing.

Many Blessings to you all.

Mike, Jennifer, Jonathan, Tessa and Rebecca
YWAM Vancouver

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Signing Day

We are heading to Vancouver tomorrow for a memorial on Saturday. Today we spent the afternoon signing papers we didn't want to sign.
Greg came for lunch and H&M and boys brought supper - home made pizza. needs another $100,000 tomorrow to close the deal on a building ideally suited for the ministry in Vancouver. Won't you come alongside and help? For Renee?

Sunday, March 09, 2008


Went to church in the morning - mom & dad came for lunch. V & A and K & H came for evening.
Mom sang her lullaby, that she invented for me. Dad said it was a special lullaby she only sang for me, her first born son.

Something new - Can you perceive it?

Delbert Enns

How are we going to get out the pew and do something? When are we going to chase after God? When are we going to sit and absorb God? Will God have to lead us into a desert?
Do we believe God can make a difference? Are you willing to sign up to make a difference?
God is doing Holy interruptions. He wants a covenant with you. I know God is working in my life because He is working in others. Isaiah 43:1-4
What do you perceive? People digging into the Word. Cycles of love. Isa 11:1-2 Let us leave the spirit of self serving and walk in the fear of the Lord. Seek God in prayer and fasting. Youth that are bold for Jesus. Celebrate a new Jerusalem in our lives. The point of walking with God is not to arrive -but to walk with Him. Expect God to show up this week.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Can't sleep

why did we not stop the chemo friday? why did we not stop them from giving her so much fluid monday to maintain blood pressure? fluids that eventually caused her lungs to fail and her co2 to go up causing the septic shock. we knew better. Kris was killed by a doctor that ordered higher fluid levels than necessary. if we had not had the unnecessary business stress would we have had our brains in gear?
I watched Renee's last moments of video. I have never seen anything as heart wrenching. should we post that so her friends can see it too? never have I seen her so vulnerable. she was always brave. but she was afraid. really afraid of the leukemia. she didn't want to know the results of the tests by the Vancouver doctors.

Friday, March 07, 2008


We met with friends at Cora's for brunch. We did that yesterday with Cal & Anna at the other Cora's. This evening we went to Henry and Esther for a delicious supper. Booked tickets to Vancouver. Tried to figure out what to do to get license to drive Renee's car to Manitoba. Sure don't like dealing with Death Certificates.
We decided that we are at the anger stage of grief. The next minute we aare back at pain. Then regrets and what-ifs. were we negligent? Sure feels like it. We should have stopped the chemo on Friday and insisted on treatment for Renee's retching stomach. How can she forgive us? We failed her. Oh miserable creatures we are!
Then we think about the messages by Dr Keller. Renee really enjoyed those messages. Job suffered. Powerful messages. I'd recommend them to everyone.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Thanks for the visit

Cousin Bernie and Marie dropped in for a while this evening. Much appreciated. Kara is editing (and figuring out how to do it on Renee's Apple) the various videos taken during the Memorial services, to make one nice memorial video. We'd be very happy to send you a copy on request - when it is done.
Went for lunch with Cal & Anna and Alayna & Kara. Justin is back at work at Subway McIvor. Alayna is feeling very overwhelmed with how she will ever catch up with all the assignments at university.
Dan has offered to drive Renee's car back from BC. Need to book tickets for us all ASAP.
I added links of blogs that I found that refer to Renee. If you know of any others, please let me know so I can add them. It is so good to read all the Tributes from so many of Renee's friends. Yesterday Kara sobbed the question - Was Renee's life in vain? How has she impacted people for good? How many people have actually changed their lives for the better as a result of Renee's life?
Are we more compassionate now than we were? Are we more committed to Christ than before?

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Vancouver Memorial for Renee

Vancouver Memorial Service for Renee Amaryah Lalani Dueck

Vancouver East Side Vineyard Church

7 pm Saturday March 15, 2008

1648 1st Avenue East
Vancouver, BC V5N 1A7, Canada
(604) 255-4463

Feel free to invite your friends that live in the area.

Friends will be given an opportunity to share tributes, etc

We will provide copies of The Living LifeLight to those attending, in memory of Renee. Martha took the cover picture in 2005 in Central Park. In lieu of flowers please send a donation in Renee's memory to

Thanks for the messages of support and the tributes to Renee's life. We hope to reply individually to the hundreds of emails over the next few weeks. Please send more so we'll have plenty of quality material to print a book. Renee was writing html code before I knew what it was and maintaining her own websites. Does anyone know if any of them are still up?

Thanks to Angela and Leigh for editing Renee? Earth, Fire, Water, Wind dramatic production.

We as a family would like to plant a tree in Vancouver ? where? one has already been planted in the Holy Land in Renee's memory.

What to do about Renee's car? Would someone in BC like to buy it? Or would someone be able to drive it to Manitoba in the next month or two? If so, Alayna would like to have it.

We are home this week and next, leaving for Vancouver on the 12th (I hope) returning on the 17th for Renee's birthday on the 18th. We plan to leave for New York some time after that to clean up the apartment and to spend time with friends and family.

Renee felt an urgency to print this prayer before she left Vancouver for the last time. She kept it in her backpack until the last admission to hospital. We found it on her windowsill when we were packing her things.

I bind unto myself today
The strong Name of the Trinity,
By invocation of the same
The Three in One and One in Three.

I bind this today to me forever
By power of faith, Christ's incarnation;
His baptism in Jordan river,
His death on Cross for my salvation;
His bursting from the spicèd tomb,
His riding up the heavenly way,
His coming at the day of doom
I bind unto myself today.

I bind unto myself the power
Of the great love of cherubim;
The sweet 'Well done' in judgment hour,
The service of the seraphim,
Confessors' faith, Apostles' word,
The Patriarchs' prayers, the prophets' scrolls,
All good deeds done unto the Lord
And purity of virgin souls.

I bind unto myself today
The virtues of the star lit heaven,
The glorious sun's life giving ray,
The whiteness of the moon at even,
The flashing of the lightning free,
The whirling wind's tempestuous shocks,
The stable earth, the deep salt sea
Around the old eternal rocks.

I bind unto myself today
The power of God to hold and lead,
His eye to watch, His might to stay,
His ear to hearken to my need.
The wisdom of my God to teach,
His hand to guide, His shield to ward;
The word of God to give me speech,
His heavenly host to be my guard.

Against the demon snares of sin,
The vice that gives temptation force,
The natural lusts that war within,
The hostile men that mar my course;
Or few or many, far or nigh,
In every place and in all hours,
Against their fierce hostility
I bind to me these holy powers.

Against all Satan's spells and wiles,
Against false words of heresy,
Against the knowledge that defiles,
Against the heart's idolatry,
Against the wizard's evil craft,
Against the death wound and the burning,
The choking wave, the poisoned shaft,
Protect me, Christ, till Thy returning.

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

I bind unto myself the Name,
The strong Name of the Trinity,
By invocation of the same,
The Three in One and One in Three.
By Whom all nature hath creation,
Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:
Praise to the Lord of my salvation,
Salvation is of Christ

Raymond and Martha Dueck
Renee's blog at
Martha's blog
See our pictures at
Support our favorite charity

Tribute from Tanya

Okay after bawling for the last couple hours like a baby I think I've pulled myself together enough to be able to share some random Renee memories.
The first time I met Renee was before she started high school in Riverton at a Youth Club Meeting in Mennville that Julie invited me to. I thought Renee was older because she seemed so mature and she was just so grown up and sophisticated and hung out with older cool people I guess.
I knew when Renee started in Riverton I wanted to be her friend. I asked her if she was smart and she kind of just brushed it off. But she was. She was so smart. She was the smartest person in our class. I kind of felt like she bumped me off my throne at first. I was not that humble;) but I was like, I can't even hate her because she's sooo nice! She taught me humility. To temper my ambition, I didn't have to be the smartest or the best, she didn't even care that she was. I kind of stopped caring about that stuff for a its own sake too.
I remember how she loved coffee and introduced me to cappuccino ice cream. I was over one time and she showed me how you could just sprinkle cappuccino mix on vanilla to make it. It was so good.
She liked to talk on the phone for hours.
She was all about Beaver Creek Bible Camp.
She loved candy.
WE were the worst students in Drivers Ed. WE talked all the time. Mr. K. even told us to shut up once. A teacher never told me to shut up before. It didn't bother Renee;)
One time when Dustin and I were talking about how beautiful our sisters were and how insecure it made us feel, Renee told us how smart Alayna was and that she skipped a grade and was so much smarter than she was and how the real good piano player in the family was Justin and how she just didn't compare.
She was so close to her family and her cousins were her bestest friends, Monique, Karen, etc.
She always kept in touch with friends from camp and around the world.
She'd take us on slurpee runs in her Tundra. It was so fun. We'd ride it over te bump in Riverton and go flying and shout Ri'ton!
She was a good photographer and yearbook editor. She put so much work into it and did so well.
Her and Dustin were such a pair. They were crazy. They would eat chocolate covered coffee beans before class with Mr. K and were banned from sitting in the front row. They also took a self study "Art" class in the lunch room one semester and spent the majority of the time goofing off.
Sometimes they picked on me but it was because they liked to get a rise out of me then insist I had anger management issues.
They wrote a short story about an inside out man because one day before a science test while we were sitting in the hall we were pondering what would happen if your stomach just continued to digest and turned you inside out!? (Get an ulcer like a normal person but for some reason we figured it would turn you inside out) anyways from what I remember I got to become the monster inside out person in the story and I was a bully so they wanted to give me a bully name. So I said "Martha". I just always thought of that as a girl bully name but Renee explained that was her Mothers name! Sorry:)
She wore make up so beautifully. Just simple light blush and demure brown eyeliner and mascara. She had good cheekbones and was so beautiful.
I loved her hair. Recently it was a different color everytime I saw her and she could pull off no hair better than Britney Spears!
We would argue with Mrs. E. about what we thought the theme in the short story was.
We argued with our whole class in science about the ethical considerations of cloning and growing people spare parts. I don't even care anymore if people abused the technology or the world became over populated I would've done it all.
I remember she had such an excellent memory. She could remember notes we'd taken from the beginning of the year!
She liked going to the Mexican restaurant uptown for lunch, or to the Arborg bakery.
I was so excited when she and Dustin and I got to go to mini-u. WE had so much fun that week. She dressed up as a punk and had little punk pigtails and I died my hair red and Dustin dressed up to and we went to seven eleven and you'd have sworn we were either drunk or high on something. Renee always was high on life and friends and good times and laughter. WE went to her cousin Krista's play at PET West Side Story.
I have a picture of her jumping out of the bathroom in that hotel for my surprise 17th party. That was so fun.
WE went to a retreat in Steinbach in a 70's Parisienne with velvet seats. It was awesome. We crimped each other's hair. I think we nearly drove Mark and Ryan mad on the way back in a snow storm playing the alphabet game giggling the whole time. She was the best girlfriend to get crazy stupid girly giggly with:)
At another retreat I got her to trim my bangs with nail scissors I think. She introduced me to Dutch Blitz.
WE took turns waiting in Trina's car and waiting behind the Winnipeg Arena for the bands to come out after the Nickelback concert we went to in -30 January weather the day before our Chem final in grade twelve. WE got McDonald's after and some boys I think were being stupid came in the wrongside of the driveway and had the nerve to be mad at us!
WE went camping in Arnes with the youth group in May and decided to try out the water. Never been so cold in my life.
She had the coolest hairstyle at Grad. She didn’t have an escort so I talked my little brother Barry into walking her in because it would be cute. I said, "Renee, Barry would love to be your escort." and she just laughed because he was standing there with his little ten year old head cocked to one side and his eyes reaching into the back of his head with his mouth open:)
I was sure lucky she didn't want to go to University right after high school because she probably would have gotten all the scholarships. She could've done anything she wanted to and she did. She wanted to help people find God and she did. I always thought of missionaries as old people but she was pretty cool.
It sucked she moved away though...
I remember her Mom made such good dinners when we came over like chicken cordon bleu.
You guys were so good to Tomoko:)
She got to go to such cool places like Europe, Cambodia etc. and wasn't even just being a tourist, she was helping people:)
I remember when she came back everything had to be spicy. WE went to Moxies once and she got this spicy dish she ordered about as hot as it came and she didn't think it was that hot but I tried it later as mild as it came and I nearly croaked!
She introduced me to Sukothai Restaurant.
She wouldn't order seafood here, not since she had it fresh on the West coast.
She was always up for cheesecake or ice cream.
One year I swore off cheese for lent and she swore off chocolate. So she was living with her aunt for senior year and she made a chocolate cake. My Amma made a cheesecake. WE brought a piece to school each and switched. Worked out beautifully:)
WE had so much fun doing karaoke at her eighteenth birthday.
WE were so excited she got to finish high school with us when her family moved to Winnipeg.
She was a true friend. I had a little fit in the fall of grade twelve and she and our other friends bought me flowers even when I wasn't talking to them. Talk about regrets...
WE went greek a couple times in Osborne Village and had dinner at Basil's and Papa George's. Of course it was so cool Renee got to go to the Olympics in Greece.
I remember she was proud of one of her scripts being selected to be produced at school last year. It sure sounded cool.
I remember freaking out about her relationship status on Facebook being not single 'cause she was seeing someone. She said he didn't really speak English and they had already run out of things to talk about when I asked her about how it was going.
She always saw the coolest movies, independent films...
She always came to visit me. I think she may be my only friend that has seen all the places I used to live in in Winnipeg...She was so good bout keeping in touch. I wish I could have caught her last time she was in Winnipeg, I wish I had a passport so I could've come see her in NY I wish I called when I could have:)
She was definitely an Osborne Village punk. It was so cool she cared to work at a Fair trade store in the Forks but it sucked they didn't appreciate her.
I think she kept in touch with Dustin better than anyone else from our class did which was awesome because Dustin needed a real friend ...and I'll try to do better now I can't think well she has Renee.
I wasn't even worried when I heard she had leukemia. I was like oh that sucks but I'm sure she'll be fine. And she was for a while and I really can't believe this happened.
It sure sucks she’s not going to get married, have babies, come visit me anymore, make a cool movie or TV show but I'm sure glad I got the memories with her I did.
I know it must suck so much worse for you guys but I hope this helps somewhat because I found talking with Dustin and laughing over memories of Renee helped me.
Well that’s really all I can think of right now. I will try send the pictures I have here but most of them are at my Mom's in Hecla. I'll see you guys on the weekend.
Take Care!

Earth, Fire, Water, Wind

Renee wrote and performed in this dramatic reading, that has blessed people around the world. This video was part of the memorial service.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Renee's Wave USA video

Produced in 2005

Renee's earthly resting place

Mennville Church graveyard with the Mennville school in the background. Renee went to that school from K - 10.
Pallbearers Justin, Alayna, Monique, Krista, Lynne

Mom writing her last farewell.

CBC Radio Afternoon show

Live interview at 3 pm today

Paralyzed! living the what-ifs

we feel so exhausted. paralyzed. waiting for someone to call. to distract us. don't have the energy to dial. everyone is busy with their own lives. our thoughts keep going back to the what-ifs.
what-if this
what-if that
what-if they had started aggressive treatment sooner
what-if they had used a lower dose of chemo
how can we live with the what-ifs?
how can we make the what-ifs go away?
i'm tired
i can't deal with the what-ifs
i'm paralyzed

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Beautiful Memorial for Renee

We had a wonderful, sad, overwhelming, devastating, joyful memorial for Renee at Eastview last night. I'm too overwhelmed to say much more. Hopefully we will have a video on line soon. Pictures. Renee was writing html code before I knew what it was and maintaining her own websites. I wonder if any of them are still up?

Another memorial today in Riverton and then the final see-you-later at the gravesite in Mennville.

We'd like to have a memorial in Vancouver on the coming weekend.