Monday, March 03, 2008

Paralyzed! living the what-ifs

we feel so exhausted. paralyzed. waiting for someone to call. to distract us. don't have the energy to dial. everyone is busy with their own lives. our thoughts keep going back to the what-ifs.
what-if this
what-if that
what-if they had started aggressive treatment sooner
what-if they had used a lower dose of chemo
how can we live with the what-ifs?
how can we make the what-ifs go away?
i'm tired
i can't deal with the what-ifs
i'm paralyzed


  1. Anonymous10:40 AM

    Don't what if yourself. You get the same end result of should haveing.Nothing.As parents you provided a safe loving environment for Renee. You surrounded her with love and covered her in prayer and provided the best treatment for her available.You poured out your heart and lives for the love of your daughter.What more could one ask of a mother and father. Do not be haunted by the whatifs and should haves.Be warmed by the lives she touched and the love for Christ her life exemplified which she learned from watching you. I would be honoured to have had you as my parents. Blessings

  2. Anonymous11:23 AM

    I've thought about those what-if's as well. I keep thinking that I just don't understand at all why God would take her so soon. Still seems so unreal. I still feel like I can hear her voice. Last time I spoke to Renee she called from NY and we talked for 2 hrs...we were hoping that she'd be able to come to Regina and visit soon...and meet our baby boy (born Dec 9/07).

    I can not imagine the pain that you, as her parents and family, are experiencing, knowing the pain that we feel and knowing that it doesn't compare to what you feel. Again...thank you for sharing your thoughts so openly and honestly. This process has helped me see where Renee got her faith, strength and open honesty from.

    Dennis and I would have loved to be able to come to the memorial in Winnipeg, but could not afford to right now. You all have continued to be in our thoughts and prayers and I continue to ask others to lift you up in prayer. Thank you for being such an amazing example of faithfulness in the midst of pain to all of us around the world who miss Renee so much.

    May you feel God's presence today as He comforts you and leads you through this time.

    Rhonda Hunter